When in Doubt, Write it Out
Ever since I was a teenager, when things would bother me or weigh me down, I would write it all out on paper. I don’t even remember how or why I decided to do it this way, but I’ve been using this technique ever since, when situations are really bugging me. We all have those circumstances in our lives that we dwell upon and that give us worry. The other day, I was having “a day”, and I needed to work on moving past the stress and move onward and upward. So I started to write everything out that was troubling me.
How I like to do it:
The way I like to do it is to make three columns: the positives column (+); the negatives column (-); and the solution column (how to make it better). I always start with the positives. More often than not, you’ll notice the positives column will outnumber your negatives. It doesn’t matter how big or little the positive is – just go ahead and write it down. Maybe your positives are your health, your family; or it could be something smaller scale, like you’re really happy with your new haircut. It doesn’t matter, if it’s a positive for you, write it down, it still counts, so give it credit. Seeing all your positives makes moving onto the the negatives a little easier. Ok so here we are at the negatives column. Is it a situation, is it a person, a feeling? Write it down. Sometimes just seeing your problems written out can help you come to terms with them and then the wheels can start turning towards a solution. Ergo, the solution, the “how to make this better” column. I just start jotting things down, anything that comes to mind that might alleviate any stress from the problem. There’s always something out there that can help, even in a little way, or maybe even a big way. Maybe you change the way you’re doing something, maybe you try another way and just keep trying. You have good ideas to help yourself, you really do. Once you have your ideas in place, you can start taking action little by little. Some problems take longer to work out than others, but knowing you have a plan in place to help you is half the battle.
It can work for kids, too!
I actually used this technique recently with my oldest son, Liam, who is 8 years old. A few days back, he was having tough day, getting in trouble for not listening, and not being respectful to his brothers etc. He was in his room and I went up to chat with him. Young or old, it’s hard to just come out and say what’s bugging you sometimes, so we got a pen and paper and made our little columns.
It turns out he was actually feeling down about his friend situation at school, and I had no idea it was eating away at him. I don’t think he realized it bugged him so much either. He started a new school this year, and it’s been an adjustment for him. We brainstormed some ideas that might help, and we decided to invite a buddy over after school to play football and hang out. He seemed to cheer up a little afterwards and his behavior actually improved a bit moving forward. I think just having that plan in place mentally helped, and seeing all his positives written out definitely lifted his spirits.
Life’s not always smooth sailing, but I’m grateful for all the positives (big or small) my kids and I can jot down when we are feeling defeated and need to come up with a game plan for ourselves.